


Take me as I come ('cause I can't stay long)

by MercuryMirror



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol, Flirting, Idiots in lust, Implied Sexual Content, Kakashi is a mess, M/M, Pick-Up Lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:41:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22986502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercuryMirror/pseuds/MercuryMirror
Summary: Sometimes getting dragged of the house by your friends can be a good thing.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Maito Gai | Might Guy/Uchiha Obito, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sarutobi Asuma/Yuuhi Kurenai, Shiranui Genma/Yamato | Tenzou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 83





	Take me as I come ('cause I can't stay long)

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally shorter. Title from "Mary Jane's Last Dance" by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers since it's what I was listening to when trying to think of a title. Also couldn't think of a better summary.  
> Thanks as always to Rouge for being a fantastic beta reader.

Kakashi is having a nice, quiet evening in, reading the latest book in a romance series he's been following. The protagonist has been in a love triangle since the start of the series, and it's rumored that this is the one where the reader finds out who she chooses. He's surrounded by his eight dogs, Pakkun on his lap and Ūhei on the couch next to him. The rest are either crammed onto the rest of the couch or on the floor. Bisuke is sleeping on Bull. He's appropriately wary when Guruko perks up suddenly and lets out a soft bark, an action followed by the rest of his dogs quickly. When it comes, the enthusiastic pounding on his front door and loud yell of " _RIVAL_ " doesn't surprise him.

There is the distinct sound of a door being unlocked then enthusiastically flung open. Kakashi spares a moment to wish that Gai will be knocked out in a freak accident as the door rebounds and hits him, as well as to regret ever giving Gai the spare key. But he had been requested at a conference, and his employers had forcefully told him to go, and _someone_ needed to feed his dogs and water Mr Ukki. Unfortunately, Kurenai had been unavailable. _She_ would never do something like this. He settles deeper into his chair in preparation. There's a sixty-three percent chance he'll be able to talk Gai out of whatever he's gotten into his head.

Gai bursts in like the Kool-Aid man, with Shiba, Bisuke and Urushi dancing around his legs. They've got too much energy, and Gai is the definition of too much energy, and they feed off of each other. Depending on how long Gai is in his house for, he's not going to be able to get them settled before bedtime. He groans when he sees Genma, sidling into the room behind Gai, like if he's in the shadows enough he'll be able to stab Kakashi in the neck with a sedative and drag him to whatever no doubt horrible place he wants to go. He's got a twenty-nine percent chance of being able to escape both of their clutches and get back to his book. When Yamato, Asuma, and Kurenai enter the lounge room he sighs and puts down his novel. He's got no chance of getting rid of all of them, so he might as well go along with whatever they want.

He also takes back any charitable thoughts of Kurenai when he sees her. He forgot Gai's key had been returned, after Kakashi had been awoken before the sun for the sixth time in one week and pickpocketed him. She's the one who would have let them in, and he makes plans to take his key back as soon as possible. It will be harder, because Kurenai is vicious when she wants to be and she won't want to give up such a powerful item.

"We're going to a club." Asuma drawls around his cigarette. Kakashi shoots him a death glare, because _there will be no smoking in his house_. Genma has slid up the stairs to Kakashi's bedroom, and Kurenai is making tracks there as well, so he reluctantly removes Pakkun from his lap and follows her.

When he gets to his bedroom, it is to see a third of his closet tossed around the room, like a localized cyclone has gone through it. Genma is comparing the shades of a black button-up shirt to a black pair of jeans. Even as Kakashi watches, both are discarded. He has a feeling of dread that only increases when Kurenai moves to help Genma, digging through his closet.

His dread is realized, nearly half an hour later, when his book is torn from his hands and replaced with jeans he had been meaning to get rid of due to being too tight, and a silky red button-up shirt. He rolls off his bed to stand, and his only comment is "I'll look like a vampire in this", before he moves to the en suite to change. When he opens the door, he nearly trips over a pair of black leather boots. He takes the hint and puts them on, before heading down to the lounge room again.

Everyone's there, and Kurenai has obviously been attacking people with eye makeup, as Yamato now has a lovely smoky eyeshadow with a cat’s eye eyeliner. It suits him well, and Kakashi tells him as much. He blushes lightly, and thanks him. Kakashi eyes him, and thinks it's a shame that they ended the thing they had going on. But Yamato had wanted what Kakashi hadn't been willing to give him at the time, and so Yamato had moved on. Married Genma, even, an odd choice to the casual bystander, but they had been what one another were looking for. Now they made his life hell together. He was happy for them, he was, but he wished they hadn't caught couple-itis and would stop trying to set him up. Asuma and Kurenai did the same thing, but with even less skill. Gai didn't try, but they awkwardly danced around the topic of Obito, Gai's husband, and Kakashi's ex. He was happy for them, he was, but he tried to not meet up with them much, because of how painful it was to see them both, and the memories that haunted him.

Anyway, he's fine being single and living with eight dogs. Sure, he reads a lot of romance in a move that the more psychologically minded might call wish fulfillment, but he's happy with what he's got.

|

They arrive at the club, some new one that Genma's been meaning to try out. Apparently they make some fantastic drink. Kakashi doesn't really care. He tends to buy good quality alcohol, (having had a sense of taste instilled in him by his upper-class family) and sip his way through that until he was able to leave. Tonight seems like the type of night he's going to want to get wasted though, so when they get there he orders the first round so he'll start off the night with something he can appreciate.

The friend group talks, and drinks. Eventually, it's back to Kakashi's turn to buy. Everyone's starting to feel the alcohol now. Kurenai is more giggly, as is Asuma, on pain of death if you mention it. Genma and Yamato are melting into each other slowly, and are starting to sneak looks towards the dance floor, something they tend to only get on once their inhibitions are appropriately lowered. He makes his way to the bar again, and orders the next round. That's when he sees the man.

He's sitting at the bar, surrounded by people who Kakashi is assuming are his friends, and he is _gorgeous_. His hair is long, loose and a beautiful shade of chestnut brown. Kakashi wants to wrap his hands in it and never let go or play with the strands idly. There's an expressive mouth, a smooth voice and he'd love to know how it sounded after a round or two. His attention is sliding down the man's body when it is caught and trapped by the firm, well-formed _gluteus maximus._ His daze is broken by the bartender handing over his drinks, and he unwillingly peels his eyes away from Mr. Great Ass, taking the drinks and returning to the table his friends are sitting at, waiting. If any of them noticed anything off about him, they don't say anything.

He's distracted, eyes fixed on the man's plush posterior. When Yamato and Genma slink off to the dancefloor, it barely registers. His own inhibitions are lowered, and they're telling him to talk to the owner of that ass. Before he knows it, it's his turn to buy drinks again. They've been drinking green shots of something alcoholic, much to Gai's delight, so he decides to just buy more of those. They're not the worst thing that he's drunk this evening (the beer that tasted like piss Genma made him take a sip of takes that title). He's idly wondering if, when he next has to go to the bathroom, his piss will be the same Shrek-green as the shots, when he trips over a discarded handbag.

The sudden change in orientation confuses his alcohol-slowed brain. He's able to catch himself, the martial arts lessons he's taken over the course of his life becoming suddenly useful for something practical. He discovers it's a chair, and that he doesn't recognize the shoes resting on the crossbar. He runs his eyes up the parts of the person on the stool, looking for any way to recognize them and divine what their reaction might be to his stumble. When his eye line is level to the person's rump, he _immediately_ knows whose chair he's temporarily borrowing. In fact, he's _touching the butt._ In horror, he straightens up, hastily removing his hands from where they were accidentally touching the shapely globes of the man's derrière.

"I'm so sorry," he apologies, words running into each other as he forces them out as quickly as possible through a small, awkward smile; he might actually melt into a pile of embarrassed slag, it seems like his best choice right now - if the man thinks he intentionally engineered this event, he's just going to hope the floor swallows the pathetic pile of waste he's fully prepared to become. "Let me buy you a drink-" he addresses the bartender- "whatever he's having, as well as another round of that weird green stuff". The bartender nods and turns to make the drink. Kakashi tries to sort of slide unobtrusively away from the man and all his friends, who are giving him a wide range of looks. He doesn't analyze any of them, and flees when he gets his drinks, tossing another apology over his shoulder even as he goes.

|

Kakashi is pretty sure that a combination of the green shots and his inability to keep his eyes off of the tempting tush still firmly planted at the bar is going to be his death. He's drinking more than he intended, trying not to think about what the man's eyes had looked like, wide with surprise when Kakashi had tripped, or the tantalising vague fruity scent he had picked up off of him. He looks around the table, mildly surprised in a functioning corner of his brain that he appears to be alone right now. He remembers Asuma and Kurenai bailing earlier. They're probably making out somewhere, like the teenagers they revert back to while drunk. Reverting back to their Days of Youth, as Gai would say. Kakashi snickers out loud at the reference to his loud friend, drunk enough to find it amusing.

Aforementioned loud friend is nowhere in sight, which isn't really surprising either. Get him drunk enough and he starts gushing about his husband, weeping if Obito isn't near him. He's not entirely sure how Obito deals with it, but they're different people with different values, as their spectacularly failed relationship shows, so he guesses it's the sort of thing that is endearing to the other partner of the relationship. Gai's probably gone back to his house as well, to sob on his husband about how wonderful he is. With three of the group that dragged him out gone, he searches for the remaining couple. Yamato and Genma are on the dancefloor, and he politely averts his eyes as soon as he does see them. While they're physically there, they're probably going to be leaving very soon. Kakashi rationalizes that since everyone else from the group he came with has left, he might as well now they're gone. He does feel like he should get himself a decent drink to hopefully drown the taste of the other liquor he's been drinking before he does leave. The decision has absolutely nothing to do with Mr. Asstastic, who is still sitting at the bar.

He's fuzzily making his way towards the bar when he trips over the _same goddamned handbag_. His face makes contact with something solid, yet warm, and he remembers nothing more.

|

He wakes up feeling like a small, cute, fuzzy animal has died in his mouth, and also in a bed. This is notable due to the fact he has the bad habit of passing out anywhere but a bed (or even a bed-substitute such as a couch) after he's been drinking. Some of the more illustrious places include on the kitchen counter, across the mantel of a fireplace, curled inside the aforementioned fireplace (during summer, so he was at no risk of being set on fire), and in his own entryway amongst his shoes (and dogs). Another notable fact about the bed is that it has tiny penguins printed on the bedsheets, which he is absolutely sure, even in his hungover state, that he doesn't own. His genius brain chugs along slowly, and produces the conclusion that he is not in his own bed.

This conclusion is made redundant a second later, when no one but the stunning man from the bar last night opens the door and smiles, leaning on the doorframe in a way that really accentuates his frame and general sexiness. He has a beautiful smile that Kakashi is pretty sure he'd kill someone for, and it only grows wider and more amused at a quiet mumbling. Kakashi realizes that there's a good chance those noises were him, making his comment out loud, and cringes. He cannot help himself as he forcibly drags his eyes from the man's smile, the thin tracksuit pants that he's wearing, and _hello there~._ As soon as he realizes he's staring at _yet another_ part of the man's anatomy, he flicks his eyes back up to the grin, because at least that's socially acceptable to stare at. In a back corner of his mind, he notices the scar that travels along the bridge of the man's nose horizontally, how it's like an underscore of the striking features.

"I'm Iruka," the man says, breaking the silence. His voice sounds amused, and it only elevates the smooth tenor to something that the sirens of mythos would burn in envy of.

"Why, no, _how_ , am I," here Kakashi gestures around the rather nice bedroom in which he has found himself, nowhere he's seen before, "here?". He has a distressing thought, that maybe they slept together and he missed it, and then he'd never get to touch Iruka and his gorgeousness again. Some of his distress must show on his face, as Iruka speaks up again.

"Customarily, it's considered polite to introduce yourself after an introduction, but I'll waive social convention due to the situation. You passed out on top of me back at the club. I couldn't find anyone I recognized form your table, so I just brought you home with me. It seemed like the best choice at the time."

He's trying his best to process all those words after just waking up and also with a hangover, and so his response is slightly delayed and not as intelligent as he may have otherwise made it.

"Kakashi", he blurts, having parsed out that part of the sentence, and fully willing to give Iruka whatever he wants. The rest of the words process, and he voices the next thought he has. "How did you know I was with other people?"

Iruka, and what a pretty name for such a pretty man, he hasn't really given it the consideration it deserves yet, gives him the sort of look he distinctly remembers from the days he was a student. He freezes like a rabbit in headlights underneath it, his natural instincts screaming that he's fucked up and is going to get eaten. Usually, he wouldn't have had such a strong reaction, let alone outwardly shown it, but his learned reactions are trapped behind a fog in his mind.

"You tripped over onto me, bought me a drink and ran before I could say _anything_ , and you don't think I noticed you?" Iruka asks incredulously, before continuing and making Kakashi wish he had a shovel so he could start digging a hole. "I'm currently ignoring the fact you were staring at me for the entire night since I already have enough reasons and that one would work on its own."

These are all very good reasons, and Kakashi would like that shovel immediately, thank you very much. He obviously has some sort of look that indicates _no, he hadn't thought of it like that_ because Iruka sighs through his nose, and moves properly into the room. Kakashi briefly mourns the loss of the wonderful position he had been in before, and watches as Iruka begins digging through the drawers. Despite the fact he probably should have been, he is not prepared for a pair of pants to hit him in the face, a shirt following seconds later. He makes sure that his entire face is visible before he gives Iruka his very best woebegone face, puppy eyes lifted directly from his own dogs. Iruka raises a hand to his mouth to cover his smile and the soft snort he let out, eyes dancing with mirth.

"Bathroom's through there," Iruka indicates a door in the hallway. "There's towels you can use already hung up, and just use whatever's in there."

Kakashi stands slowly, his organs rearranging themselves as he straightens, and slowly shuffles to the bathroom gripping the clothes he's been lent tightly, so he doesn't drop them. He goes through the motions of having a shower carefully, hoping none of his body parts fall off. He drinks some shower water in an attempt to get rid of the taste in his mouth. He barely registers the hot water falling on him, but the fruity scent that fills the shower when he uses some of the body wash makes him pay more attention. It's the same scent that was on Iruka, and he takes a perverse pleasure in knowing he'll smell like the man. He tries to shake the thought out of his head, and gets out of the shower, getting dressed in the clothes Iruka gave to him. He's surprised at how accommodating Iruka is being - putting him up for the night, despite knowing that Kakashi was staring at his ass, giving him clothes and free use of his shower instead of booting him to the curb immediately after he woke up.

Now feeling more alive, he follows the only other source of sound in the apartment, guessing it will lead him to Iruka. He's correct, as he sees when the hallway opens up into a kitchen. Iruka stands in the middle of it, wearing a 'Kiss the Cook' apron and focusing on a frying pan filled with - Kakashi sniffs the air - eggs. Iruka notices him lurking at the entrance, and speaks up.

"Take a seat. I was cooking us some food, and it'll be ready momentarily." He turns back to his eggs, before seemingly thinking of something and turning back. "You don't have any dietary requirements do you? I just cooked my hangover breakfast, so if-"

Kakashi cuts Iruka off before he can work himself into a panic. "I've got none, so whatever you're cooking is perfect. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"If you could just sit down, that'd be peachy" is Iruka's response. Kakashi carefully makes his way over to one of the stools on the other side of the counter, settling himself in the middle one. His stomach feels a little odd, so he tries to diffuse the tension he's feeling with some joking around.

"This is the best one night stand morning after I've ever had and we didn't even sleep together."

Iruka looks up again, his seemingly ever-present smile on his face as he responds. "Well, we did sleep together, in the same bed." Kakashi feels like he just got struck by lightning, and Iruka agrees if the way he looks to see his reaction then quickly tacks more onto his statement is any indication. "It's my bed, and it seemed like a good idea. Why would I not want to get into bed with an attractive man in any context?” He winks at Kakashi. He _winks_. Kakashi is pretty sure that if Iruka needed to fry anything else, his face would be a more than adequate substitute for the frypan. He might also have ascended to what is surely Iruka's home plane, Heaven, because there's no way someone like this is _real_ and _in the same kitchen as Kakashi_. He's _got_ to be some sort of celestial being.

Kakashi is mildly freaking out, because the man who seemed so untouchable, was _flirty_ , which he's going to stick to as his excuse for what he says next. "You must be a ninja, because you snuck into my heart." Why he can't sink into the ground, he's not sure, but he wishes he could _desperately_ as soon as he realizes what he's just said. Iruka's looking at him, and the smile is only dancing around the corner of his lips instead of the high beam one it was before, and _oh no what if he's messed this up, whatever this is?_ He decides to try and bring the attention away from his _incredibly embarrassing_ words. "So, aside from being sexy, what do you do?" _I am going to sew my mouth shut, and perhaps die of sheer embarrassment_ is his last coherent thought before Iruka laughs.

It is a scientific fact that Kakashi has a mortal weakness to Iruka. The laugh is like a thousand skewers, stabbing into him, but instead of pain, they're making him high, floating above his body and descending into the fifth dimension. He knows that he'll do anything to hear that sound again, follow him to the ends of earth and beyond if he was asked. He's never heard anything like it before, and he's afraid if Iruka leaves his life, he'll never hear something like it again, leaving his days missing something that he'll never quite be able to pinpoint, but he'll miss for the rest of his days.

Iruka breaks his introspection by speaking. "I'm a teacher, actually." this makes perfect sense to Kakashi. Children are hellions, and therefore only such an angelic force as Iruka would be able to deal with them and mould them into model citizens or whatever they do in schools these days. He's pretty sure the curriculum has changed.

He's not really paying attention as Iruka turns off the stove, falling into daydreams of Iruka with wings, which is a very pleasing mental image. He starts paying a lot more attention when he suddenly gets a lapful of Iruka. Iruka smiles brightly, and there's an edge of sin to it. Kakashi has changed his mind, he's pretty sure Iruka was sent to tempt him, but it will be such a sweet death and so entirely worth it. Besides, he's never been much of a religious man. Iruka wiggles slightly in his lap, settling himself more, before giving him a sinful look. Kakashi is fairly certain his heart just stopped.

"Well, I'm here. So what are your other two wishes?"

His _brain_ just stopped.

It doesn't restart for a _long_ while.


End file.
